So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i think my mom watched the whole time
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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