I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
