I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
