My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
