let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
