I can text with my tongue
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
