Don't make out with my wife yet
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
