11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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