Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i can't believe i had my finger in that
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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