Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
