You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
