Jerry, you need to find god
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
