Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
