We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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