Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
