It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
