The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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