There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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