Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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