I just threw up on my dentist
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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