i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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