just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
