bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
