I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
