haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Randomize
