I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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