That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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