I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
