im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I had to cum in my sink.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
