these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
