hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
