The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
3pm strippers are depressing
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
