Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So much Jack, so little girl.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
