The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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