you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
