Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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