I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
