Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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