You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
