My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
