This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
