I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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