My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
