I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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