is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
