I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
