I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
