accomplished twins. life is a go
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
