Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
