what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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