I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Bring me that man meat
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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